Details details details

After we read each of our lists to each other. This is a big step, the public declaration of your dreams, because it's like you're asking the universe, this is what I want. And with most dreams we have we wonder if it's really what we want because well hell we didn't know what we wanted in the first place. The way you order something at a restaurant then thing, no, I really should have ordered that other thing. We're afraid of disappointment. We're really afraid of being disappointed with our dreams once we get them. And two, do I really deserve to have that thing I've asked for.

My top dream was raising a family. He asked us to write about what our dreams would take, ask questions about the steps to have that dream. This is hard. We dream about things that we don't already have, so what do we know what we have to have. But this is where the imagination kicks in. If you can't imagine this life, then how do you know that you've gotten what you wanted.

As I wrote, my back hurt. It's an injury I got a few weeks ago that though is improving day by day, still aggravates me when I sit or stand for long periods. But this was different. As I wrote about what it means to raise a family, my back hurt, and I began to understand the nature of my injury and how it was tied to this dream I have. As I attempted to flesh out what I could, the back would throb. And I had all this fear, pain and anxiety. I was going to cry just to give me some relief from the emotional pressure. I was afraid of my dream. And more specifically, I was afraid that I didn't know how to get that dream. And that my strong desire to have this dream made the fear of not knowing how to get there that much greater. Could I really open myself up to receive this dream?

So I did the best I could to hash this out. I fought my own anxiety and compeititve nature to do this "right" as if there was a "right" way. Most of us needed more and more detail, like writing our future as if we had a peek in a destiny book where we could read it all in high definition detail.

So the next task was to write about the same dream but include all the senses. Being a writer, I found this part to be much easier, something where I could imagine a day in my life. I could imagine getting up in the morning, taking care of the kids, walking through the house we were going to live in, the names of our children. In a little over 5 years, it was going to be a vastly different life than we have now.

But why was writing that easier than before? I think for me it was because it was much finer detail and I had picked one day while as before I kept thinking of parameters and an entire lifetime and becoming completely overwhelmed. Should I talk about now or when they're born or when they're 18? While before I had picked a lifetime to think about. This one I picked a day and a time, the details came to me so much easier.